Even the bits I hated!


Dear Sisters,

A huge THANK YOU for the 3 days we spent together.
I loved every bit of it - even the bits I hated!

I’ve spent the last week consolidating my new self...
I feel incredibly peaceful and feminine and and and ...

My mum once told me to never write down how I feel because it’ll just get thrown back in my face! I can hardly wait.

Testimonial--
The life I live is what I've always dreamed of. I’m married to the most beautiful man... he’s compassionate, handsome, energetic, good fun, healthy, sexy, passionate and loves me unconditionally ...constantly... he’s my best friend and my favorite playmate. We live on a farm, immersed in nature, growing food, creating art, building stuff, cooking, playing surfing etc.

It might sound strange, but it’s true... that in amongst all this, I was tense, prone to severe bouts of depression and felt out of control. Each morning I opened my eyes I felt a wave of dread for what my mind would dish out today. My body felt heavy and ached. I looked and felt ugly, nothing was good enough. People got on my nerves. Small things freaked me out. I held most of my emotion inside until either my chest ached, my throat swelled up or I got physically sick... over and over. I blamed everyone and everything for my despair. I blamed the past. I blamed the present. I feared the future.
When I gave up on blaming everything on everything and started blaming myself, it manifested into a self hate and anger that was intensely painful. I tried so hard to act on the advise to “let it go” but nothing worked. In the darkest moments, suicide was always on my mind.

No matter what I did, I just couldn’t get away from myself.
This all makes me sound like a real loop. I did have good days and plenty of special moments, but what worried me was how could I ever have a child, be a mother, be a lover, be a good person, with my emotions swinging around so erratically. What worried me even more was driving on the highway and wanting to hit a Mack truck head on, and the visions of myself in a bathtub full of blood, wrists slashed, face finally calm. When I finally started to release my grief verbally, my screams terrified me.

My mother wasn’t someone I’d turn to ever. I’d run out of sympathetic girlfriends. I sensed my husbands frustration and impatience to “get over it”... “let it go” ... “just enjoy the moment” Counseling, books, herbs, massages, acupuncture, essential oils, flower essences, yoga , vitamins and prayers kept me going, but no real SHIFTS happened.

It was in one of my sessions of rage on top of a hill, alone, when my screams turned into sobbing and then finally a cry for help. I’ll never forget how tight my husband held me the day I asked for help.

When the GIFT info arrived, I was ready for it. I need to admit here that I very much resented having to pay money to sit with a bunch of emotional women for 3 days, but in hindsight I can easily see that to be surrounded by women who, like me, were ready to shift, no matter what, in a supportive environment, was a powerful thing and an opportunity that would never have come up in my normal day to day life.

I don’t want to say too much about the 3 days of the GIFT except to say that I was sick to my core, an emotional wreck and full of resistance for the first day and a half... surrounded by love, support and understanding.

As each and every woman bared her soul, plunged completely into the darkness and emerged an absolute goddess, a part of me healed.

With my own Rite, I released all that I needed to let go of and I received all that I asked for.

Glazed and exhausted, I fell into bed on the Sunday night. When I woke on Monday, it was like I opened my eyes for the first time. I felt so good.

When I put my feet on the ground and walked it was with a strength and balance I have never known before. When I saw myself in the mirror, I fell in love with my clear eyes and my face. My smile blew me away. My breath was deep and easy. When I got in the shower, I touched myself all over with such tenderness it made me horny. When I got dressed, I looked and felt so light, so feminine and soooo beautiful.

Each day since I have felt every experience was for the first time. I shine on everyone and everything and it all shines back.
I love my life.
I feel comfortable and relaxed in my body.
I’m so glad I’m here.
Thank You Thank You Thank You